Encourage friendships

There is strength in numbers. Encourage your child to walk down the hall, into the lunchroom, or out to recess with others. Bullies will quickly target a child who is alone. Your child should stay near others even if they are not close friends. Better yet, your child should make close friends and the children should protect one another.

Teach your child effective skills for making friends

Skills for making friends include how to share, compromise, change the topic to avoid conflict, apologize when appropriate, and use a diplomatic approach.

Build social skills

Problem-solve difficult social situations and practice diplomatic responses during the dinner hour. Something that has been practiced is easier to use when a difficult moment arises. Social skill groups are available in many schools today and books for both parents and children can be found in local libraries, bookstores, and at www.boystown.org.

Stress the importance of body language

A submissive or victim stance may attract bullies. Your child should not have an intimidated, slouched appearance. Encourage your child to stand up straight and hold his or her head high. If a bully approaches, your child shouldn't freeze. It is best to walk away and join a group of children.

Do not encourage physically attacking the bully

Bullies are usually stronger or have better social-networking skills than their victims. More often than not, attacking bullies will provoke them to take revenge.

Let the school know your safety worries

Talk to the principal and teachers about your concerns.

Teach your child protective strategies

The following six strategies can help your child with bullies: Help, Assert yourself, Humor, Avoid, Self talk, Own it. These six strategies are easily remembered by children with the phrase "HA HA SO." Children are encouraged to imagine an invisible shield that drops over them with the letters HA HA SO on the shield. They can use these protective strategies and one or more can be chosen during a bullying situation.

H - Help. Get help. Find a friend or adult you can count on.

A - Assert yourself. Use an "I" statement to protect yourself. Say something like, "I like being different" or "I am sorry you don't want to get to know me better before you call me that."

H - Humor. Use humor. Do or say something funny or even something just plain outrageous to throw the bully off balance. For example, if called a "chicken," start walking like a chicken and flapping your arms.

A - Avoid. Stay away from bullies. If you notice a bully and can take another path across the playground, do that.

S - Self talk. Give yourself a silent pep talk, reminding yourself of positive things. For example, you might think of something like, "I may not be good at track, but I'm proud of how I play the clarinet."

O -Own it. If the put-down is about clothing or something you can change, just agree with the bully. Say something like, "Yeah, I don't like this sweater either. It sure is ugly, but I wore it because my aunt made it and she is visiting this week." (Caution your child not to use this technique for something inherent to the child, such as skin color or ethnic group.) If the put-down is about something you can't or don't want to change, hold your head high, own who you are with pride, and tell the other child you like being who you are.

Written by Carla Garrity, Ph.D.; Kathryn Jens, Ph.D.; William Porter, Ph.D.; Nancy Sager; Cam Short-Camilli, M.S.W. Copyright 1997 C. Garrity, K. Jens, W. Porter, N. Sager, C. Short-Camilli