When divorced or widowed parents remarry, their children suffer from a shake-up of their familiar family unit. The changes are overwhelming and often not welcomed. Adjusting can be difficult for the kids and the parents.

Here are a few things to remember if you're facing a similar situation…

Don't expect perfection in your blended family. As a stepparent, you need to give your stepchildren space. There will be an adjustment period, which could take months, and more likely, years. Everyone will need time to adjust to the new family dynamics.

You and your stepchildren may feel obligated to love each other immediately. It is a myth that everyone in the newly established family should love each other right away. Let love develop at its own pace. Just like any relationship, kids need to get to know the new family members before they can ever grow to like them, let alone love them.

Stepchildren may feel a sense of divided loyalty. Children will sometimes struggle with the feeling that they are not allowed to love whomever they want for fear of hurting someone else as a result. They may feel guilty and confused about loving or not loving new family members. Knowing this, you should allow your stepchildren time to work things out. Be available and provide support in any way you can. Trust will develop gradually, which may evolve into love.

You, too, will need time to work through your own feelings. Are you pretending to love a stepchild to make your spouse happy? Are you suppressing your true emotions?

If you don't love your stepchildren, you still need to show respect. Once you feel that you don't have to love your stepchildren unconditionally, a burden is lifted and love may occur naturally. If it doesn't, and often love never does develop between steprelations, respect should be maintained. Respect preserves neutrality in the home and does not require love.

Put your relationship with your spouse first. Good couples make good stepparents. A solid relationship helps to maintain a united front, keeping conflict from escalating out of control. You and your spouse need to trust, love and support each other. It's important to ask what's best for the marriage, not just for the children.

Blending families together isn't always easy, sometimes it's painful, and it's certainly challenging. But if the mix is stirred gently, not shaken, a blended family can be wonderfully rewarding.