Personal Web Pages: No Place for Children

by Daniel L. Daly, Ph.D., Director of Youth Care at Boys Town

Over the last decade, the potential dangers of various websites have become a hot topic among parents, educators and child-care professionals. Sites like MySpace, Xanga and Facebook are tremendously popular with young people. Virtually every eighth grader with access to a computer knows about these sites. In fact, tens of millions of children and adolescents have jumped at the opportunity to create a personal webpage on sites like MySpace or Facebook, where they can list and share detailed information about themselves with their friends and other kids their age.

While most of these sites offer the opportunity to restrict the network of friends to whom children give access, these sites encourage kids to expand their network more widely. Once this happens, the child's network can be wide open. Even online sexual predators can have access to the child's information. That is why so much of what has been written and discussed concerning sites like MySpace has revolved around the safety of children.

These sites were originally built for young adults, but there is really no way to restrict entry to anyone who claims to be 14 years old or more. If your child does not already have an account on such a site, you can be assured that he or she will be encouraged to join - either by friends who want them in "their space" or by themselves browsing the sites online. That is why it is important for you as a parent to be informed about what personal web pages are all about and why it can potentially pose a threat to your child. This article deals with what parents need to know and do about such sites. We hope this information serves as an effective guide as you set rules and expectations for your child's safe use of a computer.

How and why children use personal web pages.
These personal web pages are designed as a place for members to post information about themselves, share pictures, and electronically "meet" people. You or your child can just surf in most sites, but everyone is encouraged to register themselves. Catchy come-ons like pictures of happy, good-looking chic kids who might be the "Web Stars of the Week" encourage registration. Upon registering, your child creates a profile on such information as name, hometown, education information, interests, sexual orientation, favorite books/movies, drinking/smoking habits and much more.

These web spaces are not just casual chat rooms, nor are they just another form of e-mail. They are the new public space-much like a shopping mall. Kids and young adults go to these sites to be seen and heard. And like all public space, all kinds of people go there. The difference with the public space of these sites is that they impact your family's environment much more intimately and strongly than other public spaces. These sites and the people and values they contain can come inside your house any time, day or night, and interact directly with your children.

They can offer intimate details including pictures about your child's life to a narrow network of friends or to a wide network of strangers. Most kids start by composing their page as a private page so that only their chosen friends can view it. This makes it difficult for parents to monitor what their kids are posting, which is the point since most kids don't want their parents to view what they are posting anyway. However, the option to open up their space to others always exists. Many kids choose to open up their network because it is marketed to look fun and interesting.

How are personal websites dangerous to my child?
While the creators of such personal websites may have had good intentions when they started the website, the reality is that some are unregulated and poorly monitored and have been turned into potentially dangerous places for children of all ages. Most sites even have a code of conduct which prompts users to behave responsibly. The words are good. The problem is that there is no way to enforce the rules established in the code.

The first concern you should have is about how much personal information your child posts about himself or herself. This is particularly true if your child blogs. Sharing personal information online lets your child's friends know what's going on his or her life, but it also may tell the "wrong" people your child's location, habits, interests and more. Telling too much gives online predators detailed information like when children get out of school, where they hang out, or even with whom.

Second, your child can get into legal trouble on personal web pages. Internet pornography is available through links and even on some sites. Members teach others how and where to buy drugs. Instructions on how to build a bomb are available. Users also provide advice on how to commit suicide or how to kill someone else. Some sites are wide-open to all kinds of information and sensation seeking users seek them out.

Such sites provide an electronic avenue for bullying or ostracizing behaviors, two activities that have been on the rise in recent years. This occurs often even when the network is restricted to friends only. Youth have been bullied or left out of activities at school because of messages posted on their accounts. Students who have a vendetta against another youth post false or inaccurate information about that youth, setting him or her up to be the butt of criticism and jokes. Even playful, seemingly harmless online exchanges can lead to "web wars" where youth try to outdo each other in making cutting, cruel statements about each other.

Whether you think your child is interested or involved in such activities or not, it is important you talk with him or her about them, know how they use the computer, and set guidelines for how they use the family computer.

What else should I know about the potential dangers of online communication?
First and foremost, many of these sites market values and behaviors responsible parents could never promote. Aggression, drug use, gothic lifestyles, casual sexuality and more permeate these sites.

At best, personal web sites are a form of communication with others, but there are a hundred of other neutral or positive vehicles to communicate and share ideas. And these other vehicles do not expose children to the seductive and objectionable materials contained in these sites. The Internet has thousands of positive uses. Kids use the Internet to do library searches or research to do reports and other schoolwork. They also can find fun, appropriate games to play or visit websites of interest that can help them expand their knowledge and learn about the world around them. Personal web spaces do not help children accomplish these lofty goals.

At worst, personal websites offer opportunities for victimization. They also open avenues of communication with not only people they should not be communicating with, but with people whose lifestyles promote no tangible, positive benefits to children. Face-to-face meetings that result from online contacts have become one of the main ways for child predators to access their victims.

Here are some frightening statistics from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children*:

• 1 in 7 children who regularly use the Internet is sexually solicited.
• 1 in 11 is harassed or threatened.
• 31 percent receive an aggressive on-line sexual solicitation or are asked to meet with the on-line user.
• 79 percent of on-line solicitations occur in the child's home.
• 56 percent of children do not tell anyone about the solicitations.

What can I do to keep my child safe?

1. Pay attention to your child. All of these suggestions pre-suppose and require that you spend the time to relate to and know our child. Knowing their interests, their talents, their friends, and their goals all require attention. Research on preventing risky behavior conclusively says parents who spend time with kids by doing such things as eating together, playing together, and going to church together help their children avoid gangs, drugs, school failure and the pitfalls of the web.
2. Surf the sites yourself. A quick 5-minute browse on some of the sites listed in paragraph one will be sufficient. Browse MySpace. You will quickly learn why such a site is dangerous at worst or a waste of time at best. Be careful! You will quickly see how and why the activity can become addictive. Some material is extreme and weird. For children, their natural tendency is to want to see more. It is a world without the boundaries of everyday life. These sites are built to draw people in, but taking a quick look will convince you that you need to be smart about what your child is doing on the web.
3. Just say "No!" When it comes to these sites, the answer is simple: Just say "No!" Kids will not grow up underprivileged or lacking necessary technology skills because they do not have access to such websites. This guideline is particularly important for any child under 16 years of age. At Boys Town, we completely restrict access to such sites for all of our children, regardless of age. We learned long ago that young people had literally hundreds of better, more productive things to do with their time.
4. Install filters. As the adult and the bill payer, you should make the rules. When you allow your child to use the computer, you should know how they use it and decide how they will not use it. For added protection, you can install monitoring software like eBlaster or Child Safe so you can monitor the websites your children use. You also can install filtering software like Norton Internet Security or K9 Web Protection, which prevents your child from visiting websites you have identified as dangerous or inappropriate. Keep in mind, youth can access these sites through cell phones and other wireless technology.
5. Start talking with your child about proper use of computer technology when he or she is young. Parents routinely teach their 2- and 3-year-olds about right and wrong in a variety of ways. They tell kids objects like stoves are hot. They tell them they can get hurt if they run into the street without Mom or Dad. As they get older, they say, "Don't accept a ride with strangers." Preschoolers can understand there are good things and bad things about life. It is called teaching values and judgment. You can let them know what they should and should not be viewing on computers. You can tell them there are bad people who use computers to try to meet children so they can hurt them. A school- aged child is old enough to know he or she should never set up a meeting with any stranger over the computer. No one. No time. No how. Never. If your child reports being solicited online, report it to law enforcement.
6. Teach children about the differences between reality and fantasy. Cyberspace offers children and adolescents access to a huge world of fantasy. Some youth are attracted to the fantasy world of video games. Others move into the communications fantasy world. Many people portray themselves or their life falsely on the web. These are worlds where they can pretend be grown up, or pretend to be a musician or a beautiful teenage girl or a handsome teenage boy. This is a world where they can be the student they are not in the real world or be the interesting person they do not think they are. Some youth use these pretend worlds to develop on-line friendships based upon their fantasies. Reality and fantasy can blur when youth make fantasy friends on a website. It is your responsibility to teach your children that not all friendships are true ones, and that there are adults and other youth who will take advantage of their fantasies and even their realities. When a fantasy chat becomes a reality meeting, it can be very harmful and dangerous to a child.
7. Talk to your child. Engage in frequent conversations about what your child and their friends think about regarding computer use, the web, and such. You will get important insight into their attitudes and opinions and whether they accept the values you are promoting. What their friends think and do will influence your child.
8. Set limits before it is too late. Parents don't have any trouble telling their child not to put a toy or their fingers in an electrical socket. Why? Because they don't want their son or daughter to get seriously hurt. Parents must use that same kind of common sense when setting limits on websites like MySpace. The best advice parents can give their kids is "Don't go there." Talk with your children often about the dangers of establishing relationships in cyberspace. Specifically tell them to never set up any kind of meeting with someone they have met on-line. Instruct them to tell you immediately if anyone tries to set up a meeting with them through any of kind of electronic media. Use media stories about some of the tragedies that have happened as a result of online relationships as "scare tactics" to convince your child the danger of online predators is real. Just as you protect your children by teaching them not to touch a hot stove or run into the street, protect them by teaching about the dangers of cyberspace. This will not damage their psyche, and it will make them wiser and better educated consumers.
9. Know what your youth is doing on the computer. Put the computer your children use in a public area of the house, such as the den, family room, kitchen, or anywhere there is traffic so you can easily monitor how it is being used. There is no need for a child to have a computer in his or her own room.
10. Know your child's computer passwords. As the parent and bill payer, you have a right to know your child's passwords and the content of their online activities. Knowing their password does not mean you will monitor their activity 24 hours per day, but it does mean you can if the need arises. And, because your child knows it will help them do the right thing. Software can also help monitor how your child uses the computer. Cybersitter will block sites, help you view sites visited, and record chat conversations. It will give parents an e-mail report. WebWatcher will block, read instant message conversations, and take pictures so parents can see what is typed, surfed or read.
11. Educate yourself. Tap into some of the resources listed below to get current about what is going on with young people and cyberspace. Read them and surf some questionable sites yourself.

The Internet can be a great place or a very dangerous place for kids. To keep your kids safe and away from online predators, have frequent, open discussions about proper and safe use of the Internet. Stress to your kids that they should never share personal information online unless you give them permission. Discuss and enforce consequences for misusing the computer and set low tolerances for your child. By being smart online, you and your child can be safe from danger.

More resources.*

• If you are in a crisis situation, please call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000.
• www.familyguidebook.com - A family guide to the Internet.
• www.getnetwise.com - A resource for parents to educate themselves and their children about how to use the Internet safely. It provides information on filtering software and recommends safe websites for children of all ages.
• www.cyberangels.org - An Internet safety organization whose mission is to serve as a cyberspace "neighborhood watch" and to fight Internet crime.
• www.protectkids.com - A site dedicated to protecting children on the Internet and educating parents.
• www.netsmartz.org - A comprehensive website full of information, suggestions, websites, and tips for Internet safety.
• www.cybersmartcurriculum.org - A free K-8 curriculum designed to empower students to use the Internet safely, responsibly, and effectively.

* Obtained from www.safekids.ne.gov

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