Thank you for reaching out today. Parenting is hard! Especially when it comes to discipline. It can be hard to know when you need to ask for help, so that is great that you found the courage to reach out today!
It definitely sounds like there needs to be some severe consequences for your son with him totaling your car. He is likely acting like it is “no big deal" because he has gotten away with things in the past when you don't hold him accountable. Consequences can be hard, but they are there to protect our children and to help them learn. Like you said, your son could have killed several people and this crash could have been much, much worse. Teenagers in general are typically reckless and think they are invincible, which is why parents need to step in and let them know that this is not reality.
With these extreme behaviors, it is definitely acceptable to have your son lose his privileges. If he is not able to be responsible enough to drive the car safely or be in locations that you approve of, he should lose the privilege of using the car. Typically, behavior-based consequences are more effective than time-based consequences. Therefore, your son should earn his privileges back based off of healthy, positive and responsible behaviors instead of getting them back “next week."
It sounds like your husband has a strong ability to follow through with consequences. Maybe let him take the lead when/if needed. It is SO important that, as parents, you do not undermine one another. This is only going to show your son that he has control over you and can manipulate the situation by making someone feel bad for him when there is a consequence involved. You and your husband need to be on the same page when it comes to appropriate discipline and consequences. Maybe have this conversation with your husband in private, prior to talking to your son about this. That way, you both will be a strong, unified front when talking with your son.
Like i mentioned above, parenting is hard! It takes a village to raise kiddos. It is great that you have the support of your husband. Please feel free to reach back out to the Hotline at any time. Crisis Counselors are available 24/7 to provide whatever support or assistance possible, just call 1-800-448-3000. Hopefully these suggestions can point you in the right direction on what to do next. Remember that you are strong, brave and confident! Get control back with your son and lean on your support when you need to.
