We can appreciate your concern and frustration regarding your son’s behavior. You mentioned that he is starting to get physical at school, in addition to talking back to his teacher. A physical reaction to anger is something to address through education and age-appropriate consequences. Keep in mind, it may take time for a five-year-old to “connect the dots” between his behavior and those consequences. Be consistent and prompt when addressing inappropriate physical aggression at home. Hopefully the school will do so as well.
Take time to teach him that he cannot hit, kick, push or shove to get his way or react similarly when he is mad. Show him other options for when he gets angry. Perhaps speak to his teachers regarding this; it would be helpful if whatever approach you use at home is consistent at school as well.
It is important to stay calm when this behavior is occurring. Granted, this is easier said than done, but if you give in to his temper tantrums, you will only reinforce his negative behavior. Try to anticipate his tantrums and engage in some instruction prior to the situation. Don’t be afraid to give out age-appropriate rewards if you see that he is doing better or at least trying.
Patience is key as you look for improvement, not perfection. It can be easy to focus on the negative behavior so much that we start to overlook the good behavior. So, remember to praise the good things he does. We call this “catching them being good.”
