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GRANDPARENTING IN THE 21ST CENTURY
Issue 1 of 4

A GRANDPARENT’S ROLE IN PARENTING

GRANDPARENTING IN THE 21ST CENTURY Issue
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A GRANDPARENT’S ROLE IN PARENTING

It's true that parenting is a lifelong responsibility. Just because your kids are grown and have children of their own doesn't mean your role as a mom or a dad is over. As a parent, it's natural to want to offer advice and guidance to your children, particularly when it comes to how they parent their own children. After all, you want them to be successful in parenting, just like you want them to be successful in everything they do. It's your job to offer support and experienced guidance, right?

Maybe not. When your child becomes a mom or a dad, it's their turn to decide what the rules are, how to discipline their children, and when to reward them. It can be difficult for grandparents to take a back seat to parenting when they've been doing it so well for so long! But grandparents who overstep boundaries often do so at the risk of harming their relationship with their own children.

So, how can you follow Mom and Dad's parenting style when your grandchildren are in your care? Here are some general guidelines for staying in the good graces of your children and their spouses, as well as for ensuring consistency for your grandchild:

  1. Observe and mimic. How do your grandchild's parents react when the child misbehaves? Take note, or even better, ask Mom and Dad what they want you to do. When you're alone with your grandchild, follow the same steps Mom and Dad would take. This not only creates consistency for the child but also reinforces Mom and Dad's go-to actions.
  2. Set clear boundaries. Make sure your grandchild understands what is expected of them when they are with you. This can help prevent confusion and ensure that they feel secure in knowing what is acceptable behavior.
  3. Communicate openly. Keep the lines of communication open with your children. Share your thoughts and feelings, but also be willing to listen to their concerns and preferences regarding parenting styles.
  4. Be supportive. Offer your help and support to your children as they navigate the challenges of parenting. This can include providing childcare, sharing parenting resources, or simply being a sounding board for their ideas and concerns.

Teaching Activity

Coupons for Courtesy

If there's one thing parents and grandparents can agree on, it's the importance of teaching children the social skills of being courteous and using manners. Here's an activity you can do with your grandchild to help them remember how to use these skills:

  1. Help your grandchild cut slips of paper and use them to create coupons they can "cash in" for using their manners. On each slip, have the child write down an activity they can earn with good behavior. Activities might include an ice cream "date," a playground visit, or a trip to the library—inexpensive or free rewards that can motivate your grandchild to behave properly.
  2. Have your grandchild fold the coupons in half and put them in a jar or basket.
  3. Sometime during the day, remind your grandchild of the times they were courteous or remembered to use their manners and the times they didn't do those things during their time with you.  If the good outweighs the not-so-good, the child can draw a reward coupon to use before they leave.
  4. If the child doesn't earn a reward, encourage them to continue to try to use their manners so they can earn one in the future.

Social Skills

Helping Out at Home

Almost as soon as your grandchild can walk, it's acceptable to start teaching them how to become responsible members of the household. Learning early on that it's important to contribute gives children a sense of responsibility and involvement in daily chores and tasks.

Start with easy tasks for young children, and work up to more difficult jobs as they get older. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Pick up toys and put them away
  • Set the table
  • Help clear the table
  • Help put away groceries
  • Sort or fold laundry
  • Unload the dishwasher
  • Put dirty dishes in the sink or dishwasher
  • Bring in the mail or newspaper
  • Water plants
  • Take out the garbage
  • Walk the dog
  • Make their bed

Coming Up Next

IN ISSUE 2 Kids Need Structure—And Fun.

Previous Issue

This is the first issue in the series