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RAISING GREAT GRADE SCHOOLERS
Issue 1 of 4

PARENTS ARE TEACHERS, NOT PUNISHERS

RAISING GREAT GRADE SCHOOLERS Issue
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Discipline without Tears

Any time you're with your child, you are teaching. Whatever you're doing, whether it's showing your child how to make their bed, helping with their homework, or even watching a movie together, your words and actions are influencing your children. You are your child's first and most important teacher.

As a parent of a grade schooler, you may feel like you have to choose between being your child's friend and coming down on them as a tough disciplinarian. The truth is that discipline is really a form of teaching.

Discipline Can Be Positive

Parents often consider discipline as something negative and unpleasant. Rather than looking at it that way, try looking at discipline as positive teaching. We discipline our children so they will learn to live cooperatively within our families and with others away from home.

If you think of discipline as teaching your child lessons, then it will seem less like a chore and more like an opportunity to lay the foundation for what they will need to know in the future to succeed. Discipline in the form of positive teaching is caring, specific, responsive, concrete, and effective.

The Four Basic Steps of Positive Teaching

Positive teaching might sound overwhelming or complicated, but it doesn't have to be. Boys Town sums it up in four simple steps:

  1. Set reasonable expectations. Clear expectations help children understand what is expected of them.
  2. Teach the skills. Provide your child with the skills they need to meet those expectations.
  3. Provide feedback. Give your child positive feedback when they meet expectations and constructive feedback when they do not.
  4. Practice. Allow your child to practice the skills they need to succeed.

Teaching Activity

Here's an activity to encourage your whole family to think about reasonable expectations.

  1. Gather one paper bag, scissors, and a piece of paper and a pencil for each family member.
  2. Ask everyone to write down a list of things they expect from other family members. Help younger children make a list of things they think others should do to support them. Examples: Mom could write, "I expect a hug." Dad could write, "I expect everyone to pitch in with the yard work."

Social Skills

Asking for Clarification

Many negative behaviors result from misunderstandings, poor communication, and unclear expectations. Children will naturally push boundaries, and if those boundaries aren't well-defined, kids will argue incessantly about why they should be allowed to do what they want to do. Teaching your child how to seek clarification can help resolve that confusion. Here are the steps:

  1. Look at the person.
  2. Ask if the person has time to talk.
  3. Use "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings.
  4. Listen to the response.
  5. Thank the person for their time.
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