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RAISING GREAT GRADE SCHOOLERS
Issue 4 of 4

TEACHING SELF-CONTROL

RAISING GREAT GRADE SCHOOLERS Issue
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TEACHING SELF-CONTROL

How to Teach Your Child Self-Control

Every parent has experienced it: the temper tantrum. Whether your child chooses an embarrassingly public place or has become too comfortable throwing tantrums at home, preventing and halting this behavior can seem like an impossible task. This is especially true when you're feeling frustrated and drained from the latest round with your child.

Even if it happens infrequently, children must learn that negative, aggressive behavior is not acceptable because it's harmful to them and others. As a parent, you're charged with teaching your child how to maintain self-control and prevent tantrums, and we can help you do that in two easy parts.

Teaching Your Child Self-Control

Boys Town has developed an effective teaching method to help you calmly deal with your child when they're upset and refuse to cooperate. There are two parts to teaching self-control:

  1. Calming down
  2. Follow-up teaching

Teaching self-control gives you and your child a chance to calm down when tempers flare. The first part, calming down, helps reduce the intensity of the interaction so you can resolve the situation together. The second part, follow-up teaching, gives you an opportunity to teach your child appropriate ways to respond when they are upset.

Helping Your Child Calm Down

There are three steps to calming down:

  1. It's never easy to remain calm when your child is behaving defiantly and disrespectfully. But it's important that you focus on helping your child calm down and regain self-control before you address the original problem behavior.
  2. Just as with calming down, follow-up teaching has three steps:
  3. It's easy to lose sight of what you're trying to teach as you practice these steps with your grade schooler. Stick with it, and don't give up. Don't use threatening words or gestures that might encourage physical retaliation from your child. Instead, try sitting when talking with your child or putting your hands in your pockets.

Another tactic is to think of appropriate negative consequences ahead of time rather than in the heat of the moment. Making decisions when you're upset can lead to giving huge consequences that you can't follow up with.

Teaching Activity

Practicing Self-Control

  1. Sit down with your child and ask them to think of a time when they lost control and what circumstances could make it happen again.
  2. On a piece of paper, list the steps for how your child can demonstrate self-control.
  3. Write out the scenario your child chose, and explain how they could apply each step to the situation.
  4. Practice the steps with your child by role-playing.

Social Skills

Showing Respect

This skill will come in handy throughout your child’s life, so it’s good to teach it early. Children will quickly learn they’re more likely to get what they want if they show respect to others. Here are the steps to teach your child:

  1. Obey a request to stop a negative behavior. When you obey a request to stop a negative behavior, you show that you can follow instructions, which is one form of showing respect.

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they feel frustrated or angry.