If you have ever felt like a referee in your own home, you are not alone. Many parents find themselves stuck between two kids who seem to be battling for every second of their time. One child talks louder. The other interrupts. Someone always “needs” something. Before you know it, tempers are up and you are exhausted.

The good news is that there are simple, evidence‑based strategies that can ease the tension. These tools come straight from proven behavioral approaches used in classrooms, counseling programs, and homes just like yours.

Below are practical tips you can put to work right away. Think of them as small adjustments that can bring more calm into your day and help your children learn healthier ways to share your time.

1. Don’t Feed the Behavior That Is Only There to Get a Reaction

This is one of the hardest tips for parents, because it feels so unnatural. When you hear tapping, whining, or repeated “Mom, Mom, Mom,” ignoring it can feel impossible. But kids often repeat behaviors that get any kind of reaction. Even negative attention becomes fuel.

If the behavior is minor and not harmful, try treating it like background noise. No comment. No look. No sigh. No reaction at all.

Kids quickly learn which behaviors “work” and which ones don’t. When the attention‑seeking behavior stops giving them what they want, they often move on to something else. It takes patience, but it is surprisingly effective.

2. Teach Them What To Do Instead of What Not To Do

Children fight for attention because they have not yet mastered how to ask for it in appropriate ways. Instead of assuming they know, teach the skill directly.

Try practicing things like:

• “Put your hand on my arm and wait for me to look at you.”
• “Say ‘excuse me’ and wait a few seconds.”
• “Stand next to me quietly until I finish talking.”

Then praise the moment they do it right. Something as simple as, “I like how you waited for me. Thank you,” goes a long way. Kids repeat behaviors that get positive attention, so give them plenty when they use the right skills.

3. Keep Your Tone Calm During Emotional Moments

When one child starts yelling that the other is getting more attention, it is tempting to respond with the same energy. But your reaction sets the emotional temperature for the whole room.

If one child is intense or demanding, try lowering your voice instead of raising it. Speak slowly. Avoid getting pulled into an argument. This models the exact behavior you want them to learn.

Children watch you more closely than you realize. When you stay grounded, it gives them a cue to settle themselves as well.

4. Catch Them Being Good and Acknowledge It Right Away

Praise is powerful. Specific praise is even more powerful.

Try saying things like:

• “I noticed you waited your turn. That shows responsibility.”
• “You let your sister talk first. That was thoughtful.”
• “You played quietly while I finished my call. Great self-control.”

These moments help children understand that they do not need to fight for attention. They can earn it through positive behavior instead.

Bringing It All Together

A calmer home does not come from shutting down every conflict. It comes from helping your children learn healthier ways to communicate their needs. A few key reminders:

• Ignore minor attention‑seeking behaviors when possible.
• Teach and practice the right ways to ask for attention.
• Keep your tone steady and avoid power struggles.
• Praise good behavior the moment you see it.

These strategies take time, but they truly work. You will start to see fewer interruptions, more patience, and more peaceful moments between your children.

More Resources That Can Help

For additional guidance, check out these helpful Parenting.org articles:

• Tips for Keeping the Peace in Your Home
• Giving Kids Their Fair Share of Attention
• How to Use Praise to Promote Good Behavior