You are right about her age being a time of demonstrating new independence. This is a very tough time in parenting. You will see her make choices that are the opposite of what you have instructed her to do, and this is frustrating.
We encourage you to use this understandably sensitive issue as a teachable moment for you and your daughter. She has already earned her consequence – in this case a natural consequence – by getting sunburn. We hope this will be enough to prevent her from repeating her mistake.
To make the most of this teaching moment, we encourage you to calmly explain why sun block is so important and that by choosing not to use it, she has earned a natural consequence. Then explain to her what she could have done differently. Ask her why, with the hope that she will take responsibility for her actions and be able to verbalize her understanding of what she did wrong.
With any defiant behavior in which your child does not follow your rules or instructions, there should be a consequence. It should be meaningful to your child, and the punishment should “fit the crime.” You shouldn’t overreact, as in grounding her for five years for not doing a chore. If you feel additional consequences must be earned for not following your instructions, these guidelines should help.
