Setting Boundaries And Expectations

When Robert Frost wrote, “good fences make good neighbors,” he was being ironic, pointing out that barriers actually tend to alienate one neighbor from another. When it comes to parenting, however, even Frost would agree that good boundaries make good children. That’s because without boundaries, children will keep pushing the limits of what they can get away with.

As a grandparent, if you want your grandchildren to behave a certain way, you have to set clear, specific expectations for their behavior, with no wiggle room. For instance, instead of telling your grandchild, “I want you to come in from playing early,” say, “I want you to come in from playing at four o’clock.” That way, the word “early” isn’t up for interpretation. More general, age-appropriate expectations might include the following:

• Always clean up after yourself.
• No cursing in the house.
• Electronics (smartphones, tablets, video games, etc.) are a privilege, not a right, and they can be taken away at any time in response to negative behavior.
• No social media activity until ALL homework is completed.
• Drug or alcohol use will NEVER be tolerated.

The best time to discuss and agree on these rules and expectations is when everyone is in a calm and receptive mood. They should not be brought up in response to a negative situation, when tempers may be flaring.

You can set and practice certain fundamental expectations for your grandchildren early on. These may include following instructions, accepting consequences and accepting “No” for an answer. From there, you can progress to general household rules and expectations, such as those mentioned previously, as well as situation-specific expectations, such as bedtime.

By setting boundaries and expectations, you give your grandchildren the tools they need to behave appropriately. Without these boundaries, they will simply keep pushing until something negative happens.