The Many Levels of Behavior

With child behavior, there is almost always much more than meets the eye. Because it occurs on so many different levels, ​child behavior that seems simple and routine can often be much more complex and meaningful.

For example, a toddler's chronic pattern of getting into cupboards, drawers and closed rooms, even after being told not to, could easily be perceived as simple mischief. When the toddler's parents view the behavior on that level, they see it as unacceptable and worthy of discipline. But the behavior also could be viewed on a more complex and meaningful level as child exploration. At that level, a child might soldier on to achieve future discoveries even when he regularly encounters an angry parent who gives consequences to make the behavior stop. When parents are able to see that the child's behavior is not mere disobedience, but is born out of natural curiosity (a good trait), they are more likely to accept and appropriately monitor it. And although the behavior may merit cautionary responses to ensure the child's safety, it is less likely to lead to discipline.

There are countless other examples. A young child taking a goldfish out of its bowl may on the surface seem like just a mischievous behavior. But it also could be the child's innocent attempt to express physical affection to a pet.

The point is that child behavior often can appear to be oppositional, selfish or generally unacceptable if viewed only at its very basic level. However, the same behavior also can involve something broader and more meaningful. This doesn't mean the behavior should be ignored, especially if it is inappropriate. But by looking at the bigger picture of a child's behavior, parents can gain a fuller understanding of what they're dealing with and exercise more flexibility in how they respond.